July 4th, 2014 changed our lives forever. This is ware it began. I had to be broken down to be brought back up. We had the car packed up. We had a beautiful house rented in B.C. and we were going on our first family vacation! We were all going to bed early and taking off the next morning about 5:00am. Derek was having a shower around 9:00pm and I was laying in bed. There was a feeling like someone had just come into my bedroom and was standing at the foot of my bed. They hung out for a few minutes while I stared in that direction, and then it left the room. When Derek finished his shower and came into the bedroom, I told him someone came to visit. I didn’t know who it was but they came and went.
At 11:30pm I woke up to what I thought was my alarm going off on my phone. I was confused because I had it set for 4:30am. I was trying to turn the alarm off and realised my phone was actually ringing and it read MOM on the front. My mom is never up this late especially at work. I panicked and hit the button to open the call. All I heard her say was, “He is gone. John is gone.” I said, “What? What do you mean?” my mom replied with, “John is dead.” My brother….my brother was gone. My heart broke. It broke for my mom and dad. It broke from the pain in my mom’s voice. I told her I would go see my dad. I sat up and looked at Derek. I said, “My brother is gone.” It didn’t seem real. I got out of bed and went to go sit with my dad. I gave him a huge hug and a kiss and sat with him reminiscing for a while. I had never seen such pain in someone’s eyes. There was nothing I could do to fix it.
When I got back home, I cried. Derek held me and we were silent. There was nothing anybody could say to make the situation better. I was laying in bed thinking I am alone now. I have no one by my side as my parents age. I couldn’t lay in bed. I got up and went on FB. My mom had already called all of the family. And even though my mom was in Norman Wells we were doing the same thing. Looking though my brother’s photos and sharing them. We found out my brother had passed in June but the police needed to free up officers from Yellow Knife to come and see my mom. She had woken up to them knocking on her camp door that night.
The days were a blur. Derek was heaven sent. He did all he could for our family and made a beautiful slide show for my brother’s celebration of life. We received so many messages from people who my brother had helped and how he changed their lives. It was such an honour to hear these testimonies to him. We made the trip to the funeral home in Ponoka. I sat and talked with the director who we knew from my grandpa’s service. I was having a hard time coping and he was a safe place to talk as my friend’s did not understand. I told him of that night I felt a presence in the bedroom. He explained it was most likely my brother coming to see me. I asked why John would have come to me that night instead of in June. He stated it would not have made sense to me in June. He knew that night it would make sense. It was not the last time my brother visited us. He was a jokester. He was always trying to get people to laugh (our son is exactly like him. Its an honour to see John’s personality flow through him). Even after his passing he was playing tricks on our family. Our son started seeing my brother as well and continues to see him. This warms my heart dearly. He loved children and was so proud to be an uncle.
The day came for my brother’s celebration of life. It was the hardest day of our lives. Until you lose a child or a sibling you cannot understand. I was trying to be strong for my parents. I did not have “The Cry.” After the service at the Luncheon I was talking to my cousin whom my brother and I were always close with. He was and is like a second brother to me. I told him, “I’m on my own now. I have to do it all by myself. I have no one.” His words comforted me and I have held onto them. He said, “Crys, you’re not alone. I am always here for you. You pick up the phone and you call me. I will be there.”
My life went into a tail spin after that. I went down into the dark rabbit hole of being lost. I thank Derek for being very patient and understanding with me because I was miserable and not a very happy person anymore. It was my grieving process. I tried to be upbeat and strong around my parents and our children, but inside I was dying more and more each day. I took it out on my husband. I was an emotional wreck with highs and mostly lows. I thank him to this very moment and each and every day for staying strong and not divorcing me. Without you by my side and supporting me I could not have gotten to this point in my life. I was the lowest in my life that I could ever be. I pulled away from everybody except my family. I had my best friend Crystal Mackey to express myself to. She understood me and never judged me. I thank her because there were days, I thought I was going to breakdown and she would let me talk for hours. This went on for almost four and half years. The light was gone from heart.
I was scared to cry as I thought I may never stop. So, I decided it was time to do something with this depressed and suppressed energy. This is ware I began my journey. I searched online for months trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I never went back to work after our daughter was born and just felt burnt out. I was done with dealing with health care politics. I knew there was more to my life but did not know what. Although I missed working with the patients and bringing smiles to their faces, I wanted to be around uplifting people and to make more a difference. I started searching online for what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to help people but I did not know how.
It was around this time I had my second cancer scare. My six-month biopsy came back not so great. Again, I was being pulled down but trying so hard to stay positive. It was this time in my life where a beautiful soul reached out to my mom. My mom worked with her son in camp. She was his “Rig Mom.” His mother was an energy healer. She messaged my mom and asked if I would mind her working on me. My mom figured I wouldn’t mind and of course I did not. At this point I was willing to try anything! This beautiful soul and I connected on Facebook. She lived all the way on the other side of the world in New Zealand! She called me on Facebook phone and told me to lay on my bed with my eyes closed. It was the most intriguing and beautiful experience ever! I saw the most beautiful colors. Orbs of colors dripping and swirling down in my mind. I felt amazing. My lower back was easing up. How the hell was she doing this! She even pin pointed the exact places I was having pain. I was so intrigued I told Derek about her work and my experience. Derek then jumped on board and had a session. The same thing! He felt sensations, saw beautiful colors and his back eased up. She as well new exactly where his back pained him. She then worked on our son who was on the couch (he had no idea he was being worked on and our daughter who had been crying for like three weeks due to colick). Our son fell asleep on the couch and our daughter fell asleep in her swing! She cleared our house and had me move furniture due to fault lines in the earth. This woman was amazing and I wanted to learn more. I thank her dearly for her help and guidance as it has led to this point in my life.
As time went on, we started hearing footsteps in the hallway. My girlfriend who has now moved to B.C. was comfortable in our home but also witnessed many evenings of footsteps, the dog growling and acting weird and just hearing strange noises. We started saging the house and things would calm down for a little while. Then they would start back up and then my son was having visitors in his room. Again, we would sage and things would calm down. There was one particular night the kids were laying in the bed with Derek and I. Everyone was sleeping. I heard someone walking down the hallway. Heavy footsteps like a burly man. The foot steps stopped outside our bedroom door, I could feel someone staring at us. They then continued down the hallway and into the bathroom. Just then I hear this little voice beside me, “Mom who is that man in our hallway?” Our son was awake and saw him. I said, “Don’t worry baby. Someone was passing through. Go back to sleep.”
The next day our friend from New Zealand messaged me on Facebook and said, “You had a visitor last night. A forty-five-year-old man who had a motorcycle accident take him. He stated he was sorry and didn’t mean to scare your family. He was looking for help. I passed him on.” She then asked me if we had been having issues with our electrical in our bathroom. I laughed and told her about the washer and drier. She explained we also had a lady in the house who had attached to us and was seeking help so she moved her on as well. Wow!!! How could she pick up on all of this all the way from New Zealand?! She is gifted. So specially gifted. This was becoming a daily occurrence now. We were noticing people in the house, noises, electrical (most of the electrical was my brother playing tricks haha, which we welcomed). I reached out to my friend and asked her why this was happening. She stated that spirits were attaching themselves to all of us and coming home with us. From the gas stations, shopping and fire calls. They were seeking help to be passed on. Our friend would routinely clear our house and pass on spirits for us. I was feeling bad that I continually had to bug her. I then started asking questions and sharing with her my experiences of dreams etc. I then decided I needed to learn how to clear out my own house. I began educating myself and reading daily.
There was still one tiny thing I needed to clear up first before I could fully commit to going on this journey. I needed to connect with my brother and heal myself first as this wound was still gushing open. This is when I contacted my first medium.