Updated: Sep 8, 2020
My husband was gone back to work and I made arrangements to have the kids taken care of by my parents. I did not know what to expect walking into this spiritual growth group. Again, I was nervous, filled with anxiety and wanting to cancel. I was stepping outside of my comfort zone and exposing myself to others. But it had to be okay right…because the other people were going for the same reasons right….
I pulled up to the location and started having a panic attack. My heart was beating so fast, I was sweating, light headed, ringing in my ears and felt like I was going to faint. I had pulled away from so many. As a child, kids can be cruel and as an adult mean girls still exist. I also found that the kinder you are (this comes with empathic territory) the more people use you. Once you do not provide them with what they need or want from you they go away. And while mourning my brother’s passing, I did not want to be involved in petty issues or drama. So, I pulled away and focused on me and my family.
So, there I was sitting in my car having a panic attack. Who else was going to be there? Would they judge me. This is my personal life and experience. I was afraid for others to know about it at that time. My breathing slowed, the sweating stopped and I started to feel like I was in my own skin again. I grabbed my purse and opened my door. I got out of my car and walked to the sidewalk. A smoke, I needed one before I went in to calm my nerves. As I lit one, I thought, “Oh here we go I will now be judged for this.” It was then this petit blonde hair woman walked up beside me and lit her own smoke, smiled and said, “Hey, how’s it going?” I had recognized her from a shop I had went into many times. I instantly knew she was kind, full of knowledge and had a don’t F@*% with me attitude. I liked her. She introduced herself as Stacie. Stacie would become an amazing Sister and a huge supporter and yes, she was full of knowledge and experience.
We finished our cigarette and went into the building together. There were a couple girls I knew and a few I didn’t. There were four ladies there I felt an instant connection with who have left imprints on my heart. I still consider them Sisters to this day even though we don’t see each other. They just felt like home. That feeling of comfort and security and non judgemental.
I learned my basics of grounding myself and why I was experiencing colors and sensations. One exercise we did brought me to realize I had a beautiful gift I did not know about! We were given a photo of someone. We had to take the photo home and study it. This led me to my second beautiful gift I did not realize I had. While studying this picture at home I would close my eyes while holding it and it was if I was taken back to the time and place of this person while they were alive. I felt the air, I heard them talking, I sometimes even tasted the air and the most intense part about it was I could physically feel their happiness, sadness, fear, anger, excitement and pain. When I was done experiencing this past life reading, I would open my eyes and realize that I had been writing the whole time! The most bizarre part about it was I had no recollection of writing! Pages and pages had been written. Some words were small, some large, some unreadable and yet I had no recollection. Interestingly enough when we would meet back with the group my findings were always dead on to what our instructor read out to us on the answers of person in the photo’s life. Now I did not share my crazy out of body writing with the group. But I did share what I got off the photo.
I was so excited about finding this beautiful gift that I called my girlfriend Crystal and started having her send me photos and not tell me the answers. It was amazing. One photo of a woman I kept feeling like my lungs were burning and going to burst. I felt fear and panic and I saw her as myself in the water three separate times. Almost as if I was drowning. Low and behold Crystal read the answers to me over the phone. This woman had worked on boats and three separate boats she was on sunk with her on them! It was unbelievable unless you were there to experience it.
We took it a step further and Crystal came over one weekend and we decided to try a past life reading on her. I had asked Crystal to be open to receive. I held her hands and had my paper handy. She was getting pressure in her ears and the sound was in and out of her one ear. I started writing. I wrote and wrote and I saw her back in the medieval times wearing a velvet green dress, had beautiful long brown hair and was upon a white horse. She had status and was walking down this winding path towards a castle. I also saw her in the forest. Amongst the trees and birds enjoying nature, picking flowers and singing to herself. Again, I could hear, see, fell, taste and smell everything in these scenes. I know I got a lot more but cannot remember at this time. Crystal was blown away and was happy to have experienced it. We did a few other practices that evening with divination and manifestation to see what was to come. Beautifully enough it all came forth for her.
I never did receive my Reiki during this time but This spiritual growth group helped me recognize my gifts and expand my mind. I am thankful for that and for the life long Sisters I made within the group. As time went on though new people started joining in. People I did not trust and people that I had heavy feelings about. And I felt something more was calling me. Something that was familiar to me. I knew it was my Reiki. My Ancestors were calling me and nudging me as if to shit or get off the pot.
I contemplated leaving my spot in the group for over a month. I spoke with my husband and explained the urgent pull I was getting. I told him it was time to go on my own and to expand and learn on my own. He agreed and one hundred percent supported me. The next day I said good bye to group thanking them all. And then I knew the time was right. You know when they say everything happens for a reason. Well it does. I had looked for over a year for a Reiki teacher that I felt connected to with no luck. Well this particular day I jumped on the computer not knowing this was it. The first article that popped up was Timmie Horvath the owner of The Sacred Wellness School of Healing Arts. I looked at her photo and knew. I could feel the connection. I knew she had to be my teacher. She was going to be my teacher and she was going to change my life with her teachings. I could not have been more correct on this. Funny thing…. why had this link not popped up over the past year…because I realize now the timing was not right. I emailed her and waited impatiently to hear back. She emailed me back and I registered for a private one on one teaching of my Level one Usui Reiki Course. I felt so much excitement and relief…I was finally on the path I had been waiting for. I could feel the approval from my Ancestors as if nodding their heads and smiling at me.
Now during this time of my spiritual growth group, my family had a few experiences with spirit in our house. I decided to talk about them in the next chapter instead of dodging all over the place. Stay tuned….